Gumbo Pants

by Paul and Storm

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Robert C. Baker died on a Monday We all know his work, although few knew his name A Cornell professor who taught poultry science Forever enshrined in the poultry Hall of Fame 84 years worth of food innovations: Chicken dogs, turkey dogs and turkey ham Beyond them all stands Baker’s greatest creation For Baker begat chicken nuggets for man O, Nugget Man O, Nugget Man Headin’ on down to that old Promised Land Happy the meals all have been since the day That the Nugget Man came our way Robert C. Baker, way back in the ‘50s Changed the way children and college kids eat When he invented a way to get breading To adhere much better to raw chicken meat His new method led fast food chains in the ‘80s To develop and market a new bite-sized snack food Made from mechanically recovered meat and anti-foaming products Reconstituted meat slurry and extra chicken skin for its binding properties O, Nugget Man O, Nugget Man Headin’ on down to that old Promised Land Guts, feet and beaks now don’t get thrown away Since the Nugget Man came our way The King of the Burgers is mourning with Popeye The Colonel arranged a 21-gun salute The Church’s are silent, but for Wendy’s weeping And Ronald has hung up his big yellow clown suit Robert C. Baker’s last will was specific That his bones be removed, and he be ground up real fine And to place his remains into small cardboard coffins And bury the pieces six at a time O, Nugget Man O, Nugget Man Headin’ on down to that old Promised Land Dipped into his honey-mustard filled grave We’re glad the Nugget Man came our way We’re glad the Nugget Man came our way
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released August 31, 2007

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