1. |
Forgettable Side Dish
01:37
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Forgettable side dish
Sitting next to grandma's gravy bowl
How'd it get there? What's it made from?
I don't know
I don't know
It was kind of beige and a little bit lumpy
The kids won't touch it; no one else will complain
Aunt Esther seems unusually quiet and grumpy
As we sit around and guess what the bowl contains
Oh, it might be potatoes
Maybe with parsley
Perhaps some parsnip
Is that nutmeg or oregano?
Forgettable side dish
Sitting next to grandma's gravy bowl
How'd it get there? What's it made from?
We don't know; we don't know
"Juliette, have you tried this?"
A little bite and a smaller smile
And the meal goes on
The rain dish stays full
Until it disappears
And is only remembered
Late in the evening
In the cobweb memory of a farting dog
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2. |
Backward Santa
01:28
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The eve after Christmas evening
There's a knock on the cellar door
(Don't let him in! Don't let him in!)
Seeing's not always believing
But there he is on the parlor floor
(Now it begins! Now it begins!)
(Oh! Oh! Oh!) Backward Santa's taking all your toys
(Oh! Oh! Oh!) Bringing grief and pain to all the girls
And women: better watch yourselves
Whoops, there go the Legos
Hope you didn't want that Barbie doll
What's cooking on our new George Foreman Grill?
Nothing, because it's gone
(Oh! Oh! Oh!) Backward Santa's taking all your toys
(Oh! Oh! Oh!) Bringing grief, rain, and pain to all the world
And men, you'd better hide your wives
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3. |
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March, march, march; it's December 26th
Time for the annual parade
Come hear the drum now that Christmas Day is done
Go join in the Antipole Crusade
Down at the mall, they're assembling at all
Of the customer service desks
The ungrateful uncles
Are standing in a line
Waiting to return
All of the crap they didn't want
Tie clips, sweater vests
Twenty pairs of socks
Pen-and-pencil sets, cologne and ties
"Wow, guys, thanks a lot"
"Exactly what I need"
"Store credit will be fine"
So off they go, with their gift receipts in tow
Joining the "Slighted Guy Brigade"
View, two by two, how they shuffle through the queue
Feeling neglected and betrayed
Spiteful and gruff, 'cause nobody cared enough
To even check their Amazon wish lists
The ungrateful uncles
Are standing in a line
Waiting to return
All of the crap they didn't want
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4. |
Christmas Eve Eve
02:10
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Today we sing the praises of December 23rd
Although it's not a holiday per se
It's just the day that is the day before the day
Before the day that is the best day in the world
The 24th is Chirstmas Eve, the 25th is Christmas
And the 26th is Boxing Day and marks the Feast of Stephen
But the 23rd is mostly spent just marking time until the Earth
Rotates away around its axis once again
Today we sing the praises of December 23rd
Though no one else would seem to give a damn
It's just the day that is the day before the day
Before the day that is the best day in the world
Too late for office parties, and you're done with "Secret Santa"
But too early to go driving off to Grandma's through the snow
And metaphorically speaking, it's the next-to-last minute
So you still have one more shopping day to go
Today we sing the praises of December 23rd
'Cause if we don't, nobody ever will
It's just the day that is the day before the day
Before the day that is the best day in the world
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5. |
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Cats and bikes
Bats and cakes
Candy canes and socks
Socket wrenches, rollercoasters
Orca whales and chimpanzees
Black and white piano keys
Bacon, Butter, Bottles, Avocados, Televisions and trees
They don't know it's December
(They don't know it's December)
They don't know it's December
(They don't know it's December)
And they probably don't care what day it is at all
Rene Descartes was pretty smart
When it comes to the state of being
And most things don't come communicate
If they're Je pense, donc je suis-ing
(Cogito ergo sum; you think therefore you am)
They don't know it's December
And they probably don't care what day it is at all
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6. |
Dog Sweater
00:53
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Do we really have to do this to the dog?
Just because someone knit a little sweater for him again?
If we let him be
He'll retain his dignity
And we'll tell Aunt Myrtle that we never got it
(grab him now)(hold still)
She should know better
(put it on)(hold still)
He doesn't need a sweater
(where's the camera?)(hold still)
He has a thick coat
And we live in San Diego
Do we really have to do this to the dog?
Maybe just the hat and
Give the rest to the cat
At the bottom of his litter box
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7. |
Trap-a-Claus
01:09
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I set a trap for Santa
When he arrives on his sleigh
The roof is smeared with Super Glue
So he can't fly away
The flue locks from the inside
And I've got the only blank key
The cookies are laced with chloroform
Bear pits are dug around the tree
And so on Christmas morning
If I don't get what I want
I'll chain him up in the basement
Where he can stay and rot
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8. |
Hanukkah on the Moon
01:32
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Hanukkah on the moon
Hanukkah on the moon
Hip hip hooray; the Festival of Lights
Is once again upon us
Alan Shepard said to "light the candle"
He meant the shammus
Hanukkah on the moon
Hanukkah on the moon
Every Jewish blank space explorer
From Crater Tycho to Mare Frigoris
Gather around to dance the hora
Until we can't no more!
Hanukkah on the moon
Hanukkah on the moon
Hanukkah on the moon
(The dreidel won't stop spinning)
Hanukkah on the moon
(The dreidel won't stop spinning)
Hanukkah on the moon
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