Ball Pit

by Paul and Storm

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1.
George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster You’re not going to get any younger, you know Winter is coming, I’m growing impatient And you’ve still got two more damn books left to go So write, George, write like the wind! I curse the day that my friend ever loaned me An old dog-eared paperback called Game of Thrones How could I know that this seed would grow into An addiction that held me, right down to my bones Now, five books later, I lurk with the masses Indignant, entitled, and waiting for word That the great Bearded Glacier has finally published Nine hundred more pages of crack for the nerds Why does every new verse of your song Keep taking you so goddamn long? George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster please give us boiled leather, and sigils and steel We need our allotment of incest and intrigue And six page descriptions of every last meal So write, George, write like the wind! Lewis took five years to chronicle Narnia Tolkien had twelve years, and Rowling took ten Lucas spent nearly three decades on Star Wars And we all know how that one turned out in the end You’re not our bitch, and you’re not a machine And we don’t mean to dictate how you spend your days But please, bear in mind, in the time that you’ve had, William Shakespeare churned out thirty-five friggin’ plays And if you keep writing so slow You’ll hold up the HBO show George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster ‘cause we won’t stop whining until we’re appeased Crap out the chapters–and George, while you’re at it Stop killing our favorite characters, please And write, George, write…like the wind! (George R.R. Martin, please write, and write faster Before you are dead, George, please write like the wind)
2.
My favorite band Doesn’t write new songs anymore My favorite band Hasn’t played a show in more than fourteen years I know that I should let it go Believe me, I have tried But no other band can make me feel The way I feel inside When they sing “Sha-na-na-na na-na-na” I will never be untrue to my favorite band “Sha-na-na na-na-na” And I don’t care if no one understands I thought they’d be around forever Everything was A-OK When they all played together My favorite band I needed a plan To make everything better again I rented a van And I drove around to where each one of them lived It took a lot of time And all my powers of persuasion And just a touch of chloroform Now they’re all in my basement singing “Sha-na-na-na na-na-na” Reunited again, my favorite band “Sha-na-na na-na-na” And they all agree that I’m their biggest fan And now they’ll be around forever Everything is supercool Now that they’re back together My favorite band, they understand The way things are now All they have to do is play the songs that I love Over and over and over And in return they know I’ll worship them forever And make their favorite meals And keep their cages clean It’s a great deal “Sha-na-na-na na-na” Endless party with my favorite band “Sha-na-na na-na-na” A cappella with my favorite band Here forever with my favorite band Start the fade out with my favorite band It puts the lotion on my favorite band
3.
02:46
This song could be in a commercial It’s simple and acoustic, so it’s utterly non-threatening And it’s pretty and sincere and there’s not too many words You can talk about insurance or a car In all the spaces inbetween This song should be in a commercial Or a montage in a movie where a young couple starts to fall in love Or the credits of an independent film We are looking for exposure, so please call And we’ll hammer out a deal Aaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaah, Aaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaah Aaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaah, Aaaaaaah, Aaaa aaaah This song is gonna be in a commercial (Ho ho hey ho!) Aaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaah, Aaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaah Aaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaah, Aaaaaaah, Aaaa aaaah
4.
Last night I watched you sleeping Tenderly, I cried Because there was no keeping down The feelings deep inside I knew that I was blessed To be right there next to you Mere words could not express it How the love had filled me through You were a vision—almost holy As my teardrops kissed your head Your eyes, they opened slowly And you looked at me and said Who are you? How did you get into my room? Get out get out go away what the hell I’m calling the cops oh my God get the hell out of here Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaah And don’t you ever come back
5.
Hey there pretty lady Good to see you after such a long long time We’ve seen a lotta miles since the senior prom But you still look the same I headed west in a denim vest With a guitar in my hand I met a band of desperados And together we rode for fame We rambled around Until we spotted the Pacific Ocean We grew some killer beards and a mellow sound Near the beach and the desert flowers We made a fan of a record man And he signed us to his label Then a meteor hit us with some cosmic rays And we all gained superpowers We were Dusty California And the Arroyo Harbor Desperados Fightin’ crime and heartbreak From Ojai to Coronado A serenading sunset crew In a laid-back war with evil Dusty California Double-fisted balladeers Derek played the drums And he could shoot lasers out his eyeballs Eddie rocked it steady on the rhythm guitar And traveled back and forth in time Trevor and Ace played the keys and bass And could combine to form a robot I could fly high like an airplane And control things with my mind We sold a lotta records And we beat up a bunch of bad guys We battled Doctor Z above the Hollywood Sign After headlining at the Greek We mopped the floor with Commander War And her Sunset Strip Assassins Eddie moved to Malibu and Ace dated Cher And we rode up the charts for weeks We were Dusty California Superhuman team of champions Layin’ it down so easy From Pasadena to Laurel Canyon Every night we made our stand Against crime and polyester Dusty California Caballeros heroicos We were really cleanin’ up the town Then disco came a-dancin’ in Our record sales crashed down I guess the good guys don’t always win We walked away Broke and broken-hearted Half of the guys hooked up with other bands Half joined the Super Friends And me, at night, I sit awake and fight With the demons of faded glory But on better days instead of mopin’ I put on those boots again Dusty California And his Good Time Palominos Every second Tuesday At the Laughing Brave Casino Crankin’ out those worn-out tunes From a time when we used to matter Dusty California May the legend never die Dusty California Watch me ridin’ across the sky Dusty California Baby, smile and wave “bye-bye”
6.
03:44
You left me You left me Whoa, you up and left me And nothin’ feels right anymore It was your right, babe, I know But still, it hurt to see you go When you left me and walked right out that door Too many years Too many beers Too many tears that you shed I lied and I cheated, and dared you to walk away You had enough You packed your stuff You called my bluff when you said You were done bein’ mistreated, and you were leavin’ today You told me you were taking half of everything with you Then you lifted that axe and swung downward and through CHORUS Now I’m out of my head, and my poor heart is broken I’m all inside-out, and the carpet is soakin' I never thought that this “trial separation” Would involve quite so much amputation You were neglected And dejected Now I’m bisected and blue I gotta give you a hand, babe; ‘cause the last laugh’s on me Now I’m grievin’ ‘Cause you’re leavin’ After cleavin’ me in two And now I’m half of the man, babe, I once used to be The heartache and the hurtin' that I can’t keep inside Are like the blood, guts and organs that I can’t keep inside CHORUS I’m too weak now to fight it The battle’s just too one-sided Since you left me and walked right out that door
7.
With their fusion of rock and jazz And funk and pop and R&B They embodied the sound of the lonely early '70s male His misanthropic disaffection And his sad ennui But judging by that look on your face You still don’t don’t really get what I mean So I’m gonna keep on explaining Till you understand That Steely Dan Is the greatest band That there’s ever been...
8.
Though now I live across the sea, me thoughts, they often roam Back to the hills and valleys of me old ancestral home Me mother’s eyes, me sister’s laugh, the games we used to play And the song me father taught me, I remember to this day And he sang Something something something something, la-da da-da dah La da-da dee-dee da-da something something la-da dah [Unintelligible] la-da dah Oh, something something la-da da-da dah! One day, around the forest glen, a’ wand’rin’ I did go I came upon a leprechaun and grabbed him by his toe He said “Dear boy, release me, and I’ll give ye’ all me gold And sing to thee the secrets of the Celts in days of old” And he sang CHORUS One night, well langers, I did spy a brasser o’ crimson hair She fancied doggin’, so we bogged the ginnet then an’ there Her skanger damo did a babs; shimozzle, lattytat Grand cake nora go me teeth; the Saints, they reeled the spat And they sang CHORUS I love to breathe the open air, I love a pint o’ plain I love to court the ladies fair, Killarney to Coleraine But most of all, I love to hear me father’s favorite song Especially I love when everybody sings along... CHORUS
9.
02:44
As this time of year comes round again I find myself reflecting On all the things for which I’m grateful like my family and friendships And the fact my life is relatively free from pain and tragedy There’s so much I am thankful for; but, still… If there’s someone or something out there responsible for all of this And listening to me thank them, then I ask you, Sir or Madam Would you kindly tell George Lucas to stop screwing with our Trilogy And on behalf of all of us, say “George: please fucking stop” I am thankful for the Firefly crew (especially for Kaylee) And I am thankful I won’t live to see the rise of the machines And I’m thankful that Joss Whedon is directing The Avengers And speaking of directors: hey there, George… A movie is a snapshot of the era it was made in Like a painting or photograph, or even this song’s lyrics And we won’t go back to change them if Avengers ends up sucking We’ll just shrug and then we’ll go make something new So fucking stop Everybody knows Darth Vader didn’t say a goddamn word When he threw the Emperor down the Death Star II’s reactor shaft And Everybody knows that Greedo never even fired When Han shoots first, it sets up his entire moral journey Plus, it’s cool I know that in the scheme of things, it’s just a first world problem And there’s many more important issues even so, I’m asking you That if you’re not too busy with the problems of the universe, and If you have a moment I would sure appreciate If you’d drop in on Mr. Lucas—maybe grab him by his neckbeard And then vigorously shake him and say “George, it’s very simple: Just release the goddamn Blu-Ray with the versions we remember Then shut up and take our money, and then please Please fucking stop”
10.
A SAUSAGE PARTY! Sausages! Sausages! For every type of man! Sausages! Sausages! Grab ‘em while you can! SAUSAGE PARTY! I’ve got a tubby, chubby fat one! Mine is long and thin! They all look so delicious! I can’t wait to put it in! Spicy meat’s a tasty treat No matter where you work! Check out my little wiener! Try my big Jamaican jerk! SAUSAGE PARTY! Reach down on the ground! Pick it up and spin it round! Or you can trade your bratwurst with a friend! Poke it left! Shove it right! Better bring your appetite! You’ll be stuffed and groaning in the end! SAUSAGE PARTY! Here at the sausage party No two are the same And whatever type of man you are You’ll be glad you came! SAUSAGE PARTY!
11.
12.
Holidays! Holidays! Snowflakes, tinsel, presents, fruitcake, unto us a child is born With angels’ tidings of great joy Snowmen, eggnog, Secret Santa, candy canes and gingerbread Pa-rum-pum-pum, the little drummer boy Sleigh bells, holly, Dasher, Dancer, mistletoe and caroling And wassail bowls and yuletide cheer Helping everyone remember It’s Thanksgiving through December And Christmastime is here The shittiest time of year Fuck the holidays! Fuck the holidays! Chestnuts, Tiny fucking Tim, and dreidels and that kugel shit And chocolate gelt and Christmas trees Charlie Brown and Frosty, “Auld Lang Syne” and “Silent-fucking-Night” And Judah and the motherfucking Maccabees O Tannen-cocking-piss-baum, and that asshole queef Kris Kringle And his shitbag fucking eight reindeer Yes, Virginia, deck the halls, then fucking Lick my fucking balls, because Christmastime is here The shittiest time of year Fuck the holidays! Fuck the holidays! Fuck the holidays! (Fuck you!) Fuck the holidays! (Fuck you!)
13.
All my life, I’ve been told you should do the things you’re good at So what do you do when all you’ve ever done is fuck things up? Some are strong Some are brave Some are smart And other are strong, brave, handsome But whaddya do with a guy who's only skill's to fuck things up? It’s not that I don’t care It’s not that I don’t pay enough attention But you can bring me anywhere And I’ll fuck things up So before you go and do something foolish Like spending your time with me Just so’s ya know: I’m gonna find a way to fuck things up
14.
Away down town, where the atmosphere is hazy From the smoke of all the factories ascending to the sky The smells, they are so horrid, it would almost set you crazy But I'm told in that neighborhood the people seldom die Way up on the "Slope" all of the people are complaining From the foul scented odors all their health is quickly waning And the smoke from the soft coal their linen it is staining When the wind blows that way from Gowanus Canal When the wind blows east, when the wind blows west Or when it's from the north or south, you never get a rest In summer or in winter, in the spring or in the fall You breathe the same old odors from Gowanus Canawl In fabled "Darby's Patch," oh that muddy stream, it rises And down to sweet Gowanus Bay it rushes with a roar Where barges and canal boats and schooners of all sizes Are unloaded by Tom Hanley, the jolly stevedore The girls you find down there are all so winsome and so pretty And the boys they are so healthy; if not handsome, then they're witty And all of you know Farrell--"he'll be Mayor of Slob City"-- He's thriving on the odors of Gowanus Canal CHORUS
15.
The night grows dark Darker than the blackest night Blacker than the darkest black Nighter than the blackest dark And in this deep dark lonely ancient shadow Live the dragons of the night As the watchmen keep their vigil in the tower The night grows ever darker by the hour While the peasants in their hovels quake and cower For they know the deep dark blackness feeds the power Of the dragons of the night (Dragons) Where the hot winds blow (War) And the wizard’s woe (Shadow) Brave men fear to go (Night) And a choir of demos chants a fateful warning “Run and hide yourselves ‘til morning From the dragons of the night…”
16.
Sometimes we need some time to breathe Sometimes we need some time to cry Sometimes we need some time to see And sometimes all we need is just some time But when fear and hope tear your heart apart And your strength is on the run You can find it again on the wings of a friend As you’re climbing up to the sun Fuzzy Man How do you do the things you do? The magic lives inside of you Reaching out and shining through And if I can I will do everything I can So won’t you help me to understand And take my hand Fuzzy Man? Buzzin’ with the love o’ the Fuzzy Man Does he give a damn ‘bout the cussin’ and the fussin’? No, he doesn’t ‘Cause he wasn’t in the master plan So lend a hand Won’t you help me take a stand For the planet of the Fuzzy Man? [REPEAT] CHORUS Spread your wings and fly away Fly away, little Fuzzy Man Maybe not fly, so much, ’cause you don’t have wings I’m talkin’ ’bout the wings of your heart, little Fuzzy Man I’m talkin’ ’bout your heartwings Spread your heartwings and fly Fly away to the sky So high away…
17.
Everyone come along (Lil’ Guildies are questin’ again) Singin’ a happy song (Join the party with Codex and friends) Tink and Clara come a’ runnin’ on the double again Zaboo’s sneakin’ up for a cuddle again Embryonic Bladezz is makin’ trouble again And Vork’s got a monkey (a-whoa-oh-oh) Lil’ Guildies are on the case (Makin’ music and solvin’ crime) And also, they’re in outer space Friends of your and mine It’s time for Lil’ Guildies time!
18.
I was in the hospital for a long time With a brain tumor and stuff But now that I'm better I’m gonna try a bunch of jobs I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid... I’ll be a dancer and a drummer And a doctor and a pilot And a rapper and a runner And a rocker and a pirate And a grocer and a gamer And a gastroenterologist An actor and an acrobatic epidemiologist A soldier and a surfer And a sexy anthropologist A biker and a baker And a ninja archaeologist I'm havin’ a ball And I’m filming it all ‘Cause I'm gonna have a TV show When I grow up When I grow up
19.
It’s the Nerdist Writers Panel And it’s hosted by Ben Blacker Where he gets a bunch of writers And he asks them lots of questions And it’s starting now so this will be the end of the theme
20.
00:19
21.
Rum ta-tum ta-tah The DM is a douche
22.
00:15
23.
00:09
24.
25.
00:10

credits

released July 21, 2014

Produced by Paul and Storm

Recorded and mixed by Paul and Storm at Spare Bedroom Studios and Black Mold Studios, except:
“My Favorite Band” and “Dusty California” mixed by Mike Phirman at Phirmilab, Glendale, CA
“Right Here with You” mixed by Brendan Milburn at The Collaboratory, Glendale, CA
“You Left Me” additional recording and mixed by Alan Johnson at The Static Shack, Indianapolis, IN
“The Irish Sing-along Song” recorded live during JoCo Cruise Crazy 4 on MS Independence of the Seas

All music & lyrics by DiCostanzo/Sabourin (Sleestack Serenade Music, ASCAP/C.K. Dexter-Haven Music, ASCAP) except: "Gowanus Canal" lyrics by Michael J. Shay

All songs © & ℗ 2014 DiCostanzo/Sabourin, licensed under creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/

Mastered by Alan Johnson at The Static Shack, Indianapolis, IN

Executive Producers: Susan and Geoff Engelstein, kallasar, Patti King

Co-producers: Jeff Cooper, Jon & Lara Frater, Semele & David Heller, Bryan R Mason

Associate Producers: Taylor Fisher, Andrew Hackard and Steve Jackson Games, Terry Heying, Jade Higashi, Gordon Limbaugh, Mark T. Olivo, Lynne Perdue, Erin M. Root, Erik Silva

And a tremendous Thank You to all of our Kickstarter backers!

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