It Might Be Xmas

by Paul and Storm

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1.
Forgettable side dish Sitting next to grandma's gravy bowl How'd it get there? What's it made from? I don't know I don't know It was kind of beige and a little bit lumpy The kids won't touch it; no one else will complain Aunt Esther seems unusually quiet and grumpy As we sit around and guess what the bowl contains Oh, it might be potatoes Maybe with parsley Perhaps some parsnip Is that nutmeg or oregano? Forgettable side dish Sitting next to grandma's gravy bowl How'd it get there? What's it made from? We don't know; we don't know "Juliette, have you tried this?" A little bite and a smaller smile And the meal goes on The rain dish stays full Until it disappears And is only remembered Late in the evening In the cobweb memory of a farting dog
2.
The eve after Christmas evening There's a knock on the cellar door (Don't let him in! Don't let him in!) Seeing's not always believing But there he is on the parlor floor (Now it begins! Now it begins!) (Oh! Oh! Oh!) Backward Santa's taking all your toys (Oh! Oh! Oh!) Bringing grief and pain to all the girls And women: better watch yourselves Whoops, there go the Legos Hope you didn't want that Barbie doll What's cooking on our new George Foreman Grill? Nothing, because it's gone (Oh! Oh! Oh!) Backward Santa's taking all your toys (Oh! Oh! Oh!) Bringing grief, rain, and pain to all the world And men, you'd better hide your wives
3.
March, march, march; it's December 26th Time for the annual parade Come hear the drum now that Christmas Day is done Go join in the Antipole Crusade Down at the mall, they're assembling at all Of the customer service desks The ungrateful uncles Are standing in a line Waiting to return All of the crap they didn't want Tie clips, sweater vests Twenty pairs of socks Pen-and-pencil sets, cologne and ties "Wow, guys, thanks a lot" "Exactly what I need" "Store credit will be fine" So off they go, with their gift receipts in tow Joining the "Slighted Guy Brigade" View, two by two, how they shuffle through the queue Feeling neglected and betrayed Spiteful and gruff, 'cause nobody cared enough To even check their Amazon wish lists The ungrateful uncles Are standing in a line Waiting to return All of the crap they didn't want
4.
Today we sing the praises of December 23rd Although it's not a holiday per se It's just the day that is the day before the day Before the day that is the best day in the world The 24th is Chirstmas Eve, the 25th is Christmas And the 26th is Boxing Day and marks the Feast of Stephen But the 23rd is mostly spent just marking time until the Earth Rotates away around its axis once again Today we sing the praises of December 23rd Though no one else would seem to give a damn It's just the day that is the day before the day Before the day that is the best day in the world Too late for office parties, and you're done with "Secret Santa" But too early to go driving off to Grandma's through the snow And metaphorically speaking, it's the next-to-last minute So you still have one more shopping day to go Today we sing the praises of December 23rd 'Cause if we don't, nobody ever will It's just the day that is the day before the day Before the day that is the best day in the world
5.
Cats and bikes Bats and cakes Candy canes and socks Socket wrenches, rollercoasters Orca whales and chimpanzees Black and white piano keys Bacon, Butter, Bottles, Avocados, Televisions and trees They don't know it's December (They don't know it's December) They don't know it's December (They don't know it's December) And they probably don't care what day it is at all Rene Descartes was pretty smart When it comes to the state of being And most things don't come communicate If they're Je pense, donc je suis-ing (Cogito ergo sum; you think therefore you am) They don't know it's December And they probably don't care what day it is at all
6.
Dog Sweater 00:53
Do we really have to do this to the dog? Just because someone knit a little sweater for him again? If we let him be He'll retain his dignity And we'll tell Aunt Myrtle that we never got it (grab him now)(hold still) She should know better (put it on)(hold still) He doesn't need a sweater (where's the camera?)(hold still) He has a thick coat And we live in San Diego Do we really have to do this to the dog? Maybe just the hat and Give the rest to the cat At the bottom of his litter box
7.
Trap-a-Claus 01:09
I set a trap for Santa When he arrives on his sleigh The roof is smeared with Super Glue So he can't fly away The flue locks from the inside And I've got the only blank key The cookies are laced with chloroform Bear pits are dug around the tree And so on Christmas morning If I don't get what I want I'll chain him up in the basement Where he can stay and rot
8.
Hanukkah on the moon Hanukkah on the moon Hip hip hooray; the Festival of Lights Is once again upon us Alan Shepard said to "light the candle" He meant the shammus Hanukkah on the moon Hanukkah on the moon Every Jewish blank space explorer From Crater Tycho to Mare Frigoris Gather around to dance the hora Until we can't no more! Hanukkah on the moon Hanukkah on the moon Hanukkah on the moon (The dreidel won't stop spinning) Hanukkah on the moon (The dreidel won't stop spinning) Hanukkah on the moon

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This season, we're once again giving the gift of approximately-rendered stylings of our musical heroes. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday between now and December 25th, 2009, at least one COMPLETELY NEW and original holiday song in the style of They Might Be Giants will be released.

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released December 11, 2009

Paul Sabourin and Greg "Storm" DiCostanzo

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Paul and Storm Arlington, Virginia

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